Imposible Dopaming Detox in my Circumstances

This morning when I woke up, reached my phone and start scrolling on my social media.

And then I remembered that I save this premier video last night. It is cslled Dopamine Detox.

I have a hard time watching this. Part of me thinking I want to do this detox dopamine too. And just go out, work out, cut myself from listening too much music.

But, our situation is not the same. I am a girl, and going out by myself here in my hometown is dangerous. And it is still under lockdown period. All my family members are home. Noisy, hot and suffocating.

Yeah, I just have to find a way to do dopamine detox in my own situation. Chiaow.

Another year that I'll turn 25

Alhamdulillah, im very grateful that i can make it to write this
It is 2nd January already, I was so busy setting up the school at our new building in Medan Jaya.
I was driving around Bintulu for the past couple of days to buy things and moving back and forth from Kampung Baru to School.

The traffic is bad today, phew. That's the way you'll learn to be brave on the road right?

I feel guilty for not making time for my nephews and nieces. But i have the chance to bring them with me at school. They gave me helping hand, and they enjoyed it. Alhamdulillah.

BENI

So, I just found this BENI guy. He is a vlogger..

I saw his vlog because he was sharing a story of Malaysia and Malaysians..

How he make the video is awesome. Until u cant believe the setting is actually in Malaysia. But yeah, he was lucky because, the Malaysian friends he has on his vlog are the famous one. So that what makes them worth to watch..

I wonder how long he have been done this vlogging thing until now, because his videos are all mesmerizing

Please watch him

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4w87hy0xlGd_GXbXrLOaIA
Click here

exactly 24 years ago..

so, yeah. today, exactly 24 years ago my mother gave birth to me. I'm the youngest, so I barely missed the celebration for my birthday.

but this time it is different. my mom is so excited. she even built the 'birthday cake' for me by herself. well, yeah. she staked the kueh lapis from Hari Raya left over and turn in into a so called 'birthday cake' :)

all praises for Him, Who makes today so meaningful.

and yeah, we have a morning walk in Tanjung Batu with armando this morning. Syukri and Syukor is so excited. and recently, Syukor just found out why his name is Syukor Muzaffar. can you guess??

the most unique 24th birthday celebration. a staked kek lapis, cokes and ayam gorengs..

Kerja

Sekarang baru dapat kerja. Lepas grade, sakit, down, molah bisnes. Sekarang baru bekerja.

Kerja sebab terpaksa. Sekda orang lain gik nak tolong jadi cikgu di sekolah ya. Nang sik ikhlas. Curse myself. I hate myself for this. I hate people around me. I hate this life for putting me at this place..

I always thought I'm going 'to die' soon doing this job. jadi cikgu is so stressful. And hyperactive 'kids' in class is a chaos. Again, I hate this life...

It's been 4 weeks now. Everything seems fine. The stress was there, but no depress. I feel calmer now. The sik ikhlas feeling slowly fades away.

All this while, thinking about hating myself and this life adalah tanda-tanda orang sik bersyukur. Dan orang yang sik bersyukur, nya sikkan bahagia.

Alhamdulillah is all I can say. Its not enough la. Im trying to pay all the luxury He gave to me, by helping to teach those future leader (the students) even though rasa sik ikhlas. Kita sik tauk nak bila kita ikhlas? Ne tauk tengah kita mok ikhlaskan hati ya, nok ya lah Allah terima sebagai keikhlasan.

Boh pike gilak bah. Just do it. If thinking about the future make you depress Ika. Just do not think about it at all. Just do anything good right now. Others may can plan and feel passionate about their goal. But you are not that type. Chill and be like Jack and Finn Harries and their friends. Inspiring young volunteers..

** this is a letter to myself. So..

Long lost friend..

this will be a quick post.

it took so long loong for me to write again. i miss the time when i have plenty of time to write, and a plenty of idea to share. life is now getting more serious. I hate that. Eventhough I've already graduated, and now have my own small bussiness, I'm still struggling with my life, But today I'm feeling grafeful that God gives me a chance to write a little.

so yeah. when i was about 5 or 6 years old. My family has a restaurant somewhere here in the old town. It feels so at peace at that time. it was around 1999 or 2000. So, many people came over there to have a taste of our family's legendary Mee Jawa and Satay. We also opened at night.

I remember, there was a mother and a son that is same age as me. They always came to the restaurant and when he came, he used to play with me. The only thing that i remembered of him is that, His name is Kinkin. Cute right? I dont quite remember how he looks like but i have a vision that he looks like Liam Aiken who is an actor of Lemony Snicket movie. You know, the one who is so smart that he build a sail boat in the movie?

yeah, i've been wondering where is he now? Maybe he is not even Sarawakian or Malaysian. I really hope i can meet him in the future. Aaameen.

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