Kerja sebab terpaksa. Sekda orang lain gik nak tolong jadi cikgu di sekolah ya. Nang sik ikhlas. Curse myself. I hate myself for this. I hate people around me. I hate this life for putting me at this place..
I always thought I'm going 'to die' soon doing this job. jadi cikgu is so stressful. And hyperactive 'kids' in class is a chaos. Again, I hate this life...
It's been 4 weeks now. Everything seems fine. The stress was there, but no depress. I feel calmer now. The sik ikhlas feeling slowly fades away.
All this while, thinking about hating myself and this life adalah tanda-tanda orang sik bersyukur. Dan orang yang sik bersyukur, nya sikkan bahagia.
Alhamdulillah is all I can say. Its not enough la. Im trying to pay all the luxury He gave to me, by helping to teach those future leader (the students) even though rasa sik ikhlas. Kita sik tauk nak bila kita ikhlas? Ne tauk tengah kita mok ikhlaskan hati ya, nok ya lah Allah terima sebagai keikhlasan.
Boh pike gilak bah. Just do it. If thinking about the future make you depress Ika. Just do not think about it at all. Just do anything good right now. Others may can plan and feel passionate about their goal. But you are not that type. Chill and be like Jack and Finn Harries and their friends. Inspiring young volunteers..
** this is a letter to myself. So..
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