Imposible Dopaming Detox in my Circumstances

This morning when I woke up, reached my phone and start scrolling on my social media.

And then I remembered that I save this premier video last night. It is cslled Dopamine Detox.

I have a hard time watching this. Part of me thinking I want to do this detox dopamine too. And just go out, work out, cut myself from listening too much music.

But, our situation is not the same. I am a girl, and going out by myself here in my hometown is dangerous. And it is still under lockdown period. All my family members are home. Noisy, hot and suffocating.

Yeah, I just have to find a way to do dopamine detox in my own situation. Chiaow.

Another year that I'll turn 25

Alhamdulillah, im very grateful that i can make it to write this
It is 2nd January already, I was so busy setting up the school at our new building in Medan Jaya.
I was driving around Bintulu for the past couple of days to buy things and moving back and forth from Kampung Baru to School.

The traffic is bad today, phew. That's the way you'll learn to be brave on the road right?

I feel guilty for not making time for my nephews and nieces. But i have the chance to bring them with me at school. They gave me helping hand, and they enjoyed it. Alhamdulillah.

BENI

So, I just found this BENI guy. He is a vlogger..

I saw his vlog because he was sharing a story of Malaysia and Malaysians..

How he make the video is awesome. Until u cant believe the setting is actually in Malaysia. But yeah, he was lucky because, the Malaysian friends he has on his vlog are the famous one. So that what makes them worth to watch..

I wonder how long he have been done this vlogging thing until now, because his videos are all mesmerizing

Please watch him

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4w87hy0xlGd_GXbXrLOaIA
Click here

exactly 24 years ago..

so, yeah. today, exactly 24 years ago my mother gave birth to me. I'm the youngest, so I barely missed the celebration for my birthday.

but this time it is different. my mom is so excited. she even built the 'birthday cake' for me by herself. well, yeah. she staked the kueh lapis from Hari Raya left over and turn in into a so called 'birthday cake' :)

all praises for Him, Who makes today so meaningful.

and yeah, we have a morning walk in Tanjung Batu with armando this morning. Syukri and Syukor is so excited. and recently, Syukor just found out why his name is Syukor Muzaffar. can you guess??

the most unique 24th birthday celebration. a staked kek lapis, cokes and ayam gorengs..

Kerja

Sekarang baru dapat kerja. Lepas grade, sakit, down, molah bisnes. Sekarang baru bekerja.

Kerja sebab terpaksa. Sekda orang lain gik nak tolong jadi cikgu di sekolah ya. Nang sik ikhlas. Curse myself. I hate myself for this. I hate people around me. I hate this life for putting me at this place..

I always thought I'm going 'to die' soon doing this job. jadi cikgu is so stressful. And hyperactive 'kids' in class is a chaos. Again, I hate this life...

It's been 4 weeks now. Everything seems fine. The stress was there, but no depress. I feel calmer now. The sik ikhlas feeling slowly fades away.

All this while, thinking about hating myself and this life adalah tanda-tanda orang sik bersyukur. Dan orang yang sik bersyukur, nya sikkan bahagia.

Alhamdulillah is all I can say. Its not enough la. Im trying to pay all the luxury He gave to me, by helping to teach those future leader (the students) even though rasa sik ikhlas. Kita sik tauk nak bila kita ikhlas? Ne tauk tengah kita mok ikhlaskan hati ya, nok ya lah Allah terima sebagai keikhlasan.

Boh pike gilak bah. Just do it. If thinking about the future make you depress Ika. Just do not think about it at all. Just do anything good right now. Others may can plan and feel passionate about their goal. But you are not that type. Chill and be like Jack and Finn Harries and their friends. Inspiring young volunteers..

** this is a letter to myself. So..

Long lost friend..

this will be a quick post.

it took so long loong for me to write again. i miss the time when i have plenty of time to write, and a plenty of idea to share. life is now getting more serious. I hate that. Eventhough I've already graduated, and now have my own small bussiness, I'm still struggling with my life, But today I'm feeling grafeful that God gives me a chance to write a little.

so yeah. when i was about 5 or 6 years old. My family has a restaurant somewhere here in the old town. It feels so at peace at that time. it was around 1999 or 2000. So, many people came over there to have a taste of our family's legendary Mee Jawa and Satay. We also opened at night.

I remember, there was a mother and a son that is same age as me. They always came to the restaurant and when he came, he used to play with me. The only thing that i remembered of him is that, His name is Kinkin. Cute right? I dont quite remember how he looks like but i have a vision that he looks like Liam Aiken who is an actor of Lemony Snicket movie. You know, the one who is so smart that he build a sail boat in the movie?

yeah, i've been wondering where is he now? Maybe he is not even Sarawakian or Malaysian. I really hope i can meet him in the future. Aaameen.

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Handmade Product

It's been a while. All praises to God. I'm recovered from the eye problem. And now I'm running a handmade-product bussiness and I'm so grateful for it..

Mata Sakit

I have a health issue these days. I just got home after my graduation  a month ago, and done part-time job 3 days after it. But my eyes got really tired  after working for a week in the boutique. Maybe it was the air-cond that made my eyes so dry.

And, after a few days, I went to a new work place which is a boutique too. Well, my current job is not sales assistant for the boutique but since I have no task for the travel company yet, so i just placed at the boutique that is owned by my boss's wife. After 2 weeks there, my eyes got worsen, it starts to hurt when I look into the laptop and the phone so much. I  got really depressed because i have to rest my eyes, sometime, for a long hour after i got home from work. I just can't switch on the lamp in my room because the light hurts my eyes so much. So, I went to the government clinic two times, and the last time I got there, the doctor gave me an antibiotic for the so-called-sinus-problem.

And you know what, that night, my body feels like it wanted to explode. Unfortunately, my body is allergic to the antibiotic. So, my family sent me to the hospital at twelve at night and I got injected and has been added two bottles of sodium chloride into my blood. And now, I'm still at home. Just helping my family to run the kueh, mee jawa and satay bussiness as my eyes are not recovered yet.

I'm frustrated of what had happen to me. Astaghfirullah. but you know what. My friend said, it's okay Ika. Allah just wanna give a lil bit of time for you to chill after your graduation :)

Jazakillahukhair..

Really love the moment. I miss them both so much

Rugi dalam berniaga

Bila tengah buat skripsi (tesis) ni, rasa berat sangat. Rasa stress pun ada, tapi tak la sangat. Sebab yang 'sangat' tu risau saja. Asyik risau je tak sempat nak siapkan skripsi untuk konvo bulan Mac ni.

Bila kita memilih untuk berjuang ni, umpama kita berniaga. Kita berniaga memanglah sebab kita nak untung. Namun, kita juga memilih untuk mengambil risiko. Risikonya adalah, bila kita berniaga, kita juga boleh rugi. Tapi kita tetap juga kena berniaga supaya kita dapat untung untuk menampung keperluan harian kita.

Macam tulah perjuangan. Kita memilih berjuang untuk hidup yang lebih baik, kita boleh untung (dapat apa yang kita nak) dan kita boleh juga rugi (menemui kegagalan). Jika ditakdirkan kita rugi, itu bukanlah petanda kita akan rugi selamanya. Kita kena terus berniaga lagi dengan cara yang lebih baik, dan belajar dari kesilapan. Dalam berjuang, kita kena anggap diri kita macam bussiness man. Kalau kita 'rugi' dan terus berhenti untuk 'berniaga', our life wouldn't get better. We have to take the risk again and again.

well actually, i wrote this to motivate myself :)

Rasa yang sik best

Angin yang menerpa daun-daun nipah di sebelah rumahku membuat bunyi berlora mententeramkan hati aku yang bergelora pula. Aku pulang sekejap saja kali ni. Tak sampai dua minggu. Kali ni betul-betul rasa macam holiday. Walaupumun aku pulang kali ni bukan atas sebab holiday pun sebenarnya. Aku buat research untuk thesis aku. Mungkin sebab cuti kali ni aku tak kerja dan duduk rumah saja. Dan mungkin aku dah ada bilik sendiri sekarang. Sebab sebelum ni aku kongsi bilik dengan anak buah. Agak rimas juga sebab bilik penuh dengan barang. Anak-anak buah yang kecil-kecil pun selalu lepak dalam bilik tu, buatkan aku semakin rimas.

I'm now a feeling a little bit relax. And I can't describe how happy and grateful I am being home. It's stress free here. Being around the family is the best thing ever. I hope my heart is at ease like this when I'm in Surabaya. I don't know but, my everyday in Surabaya is almost sucks. I know it is me, who can't live well with people that have different opinion. I am the one who failed to cope with the hardest situation. I only think that the only solution of my hard time in Surabaya is distance myself from my friends from the same country, or the other word, move from the house that we rent right now. It's all my fault you know. I tried to just let go what others did that hurt my feelings, but I feel kinda betraying myself. Why couldnt I stand for myself? Why should I let myself got insulted by them?

Those good and bad effort is battling inside me. I want to be kind to everyone. I want to be the most understanding person who can face the bad thing and forgive what everyone does to me. But instead, I got hurt deeply. I know the fact that anybody who holds their anger will granted a heaven by God. That is what I'm trying to do. It's just that, I just want to express my feelings. LOL :p

Am 1

Tertunduk-tunduk jak palak Am nahan ngantuk bila disuruh Ustaz Azmir baca Surah Al-Kahfi satu kelas 1A. Am dahlah sik berapa lancar nak baca Quran. Last nya ngaji masa nya belajar ngaji ngan Pak Karim  darjah 4 dolok. Tok dah berapa tahun dah baruk buka Quran balit.

Tok minggu pertama sidak masuk sekolah. Am dah masuk tingkatan 1. Sebuah pengembaraan baru di sekolah menengah selepas menamatkan pengembaraan jadi biak sekolah rendah. Bukan nya ajak yang ngantok. Biak lain pun hampir semua ngantuk. Ada juak nok tercungap-cungap ngejar bacaan surah Al-Kahfi Ustaz Azmir sebab nya baca laju alu. Bukan kelajuan average biak tingakatan 1 macam sidak. Kira Ustaz Azmir tok dah expert la baca Quran. (Boleh pulak expert haha). Kata Ustaz Azmir tek setiap ari Jumaat sidak kenak baca Al-Kahfi tok berjemaah.

Tang ada sorang jak biak nok dapat ekot bacaan Ustaz Azmir, Mikail. Nang alim juak rupa miak ya. Sejuk mata memandang. Tenang jak upa mukanya. Orang kuat semayang kali. Sidak masih lom kenal gilak satu sama lain sebab baruk 3 hari sidak masuk sekolah. Yang masuk kelas 1A ya pun datang dari macam-macam sekolah rendah sebelum tok.

Masa tok sidak semua yang ngekot matapelajaran Pendidikan Islam ada di Surau SMK Baru. Makin mena la mata sidak ngantok bila duduk atas lante ngan kipas yang deras menyejukkan suasana pagi.

Am dah sik tahan gik dah. Nya perlu bantuan. Dah rebah bena badannya kedepan sampe semua orang perasan nya tek tertido. Nya cepat-cepat angkat palaknya ngan mata sober nya. Adeh. Nang molah malu bena la kali tok, katanya lam ati. Biak empuan nok duduk jauh sikit dari sidak pun ternangga palak nya terguguk ke bawah. Ada la juak terdengar bunyi orang tetak tapok-tapok.

Ustaz Azmir eran sidak bising dibelakang alu noleh, tapi mulutnya sik berenti baca Al-Kahfi. Maklum, orang dah hafal surah ya. Ya nya nangga dak len suma nangga Am ngan mata sober nya. Dari sia nya faham la mun orang tengah bego ngan lucu nangga am dengan ngantok nya yang sik dapat di tahan. Ustaz Azmir sik kesah gilak hal ya kakya nangga balit Quran yang nya baca tadik.

Am tek lalu segar matanya sebab terkejut ngan dirik sendirik yang hampir rebah sebab ngantok....

Kepak Tapi Puas

Aritok tek pegi lawatan sambil belajar di Pasuruan (1 jam dari Surabaya). Mun dipike nang sakit ati juak apa nok jadi pagi-pagi tek, Haha. Dosen dah janji madah pukul 7 bertolak dari kampus. Bila datang kampus pukul 7, kesian nangga Pak Buche nunggu mekrang lain gik mok datang. Van nok kmk org tempah pun lambat datang. Pukol 8 pagi bok berangkat. Sebenanya tok kelas Muamalah D. Aku Muamalah C. Mua D tok kelas biak2 pande. Aku tek masuk kelas sidak khas kelas Lembaga Keuangan Syariah tok. Nang best juak masok kelas sidak tok sebab sidak tok pande kelakar  n kebanyakannya konfiden pun orang.

Jarang dah aku tulis kinek, tapi pengalaman kali tok mena-mena molah aku puas n happy. Nya sik la best ne pun perjalanan kmk orang, tapi aku happy sebab dapat pergi dari rumah aku kat surabaya tok jap, n keluar dengan kawan-kawan baru. Aku just sik mok lupak yang Allah berik aku rasa gembira waktu tok. Sebab ya aku tulis post tok.

Dosen nok mbak kmk orang kali tok Pak Buchee. Nang sempoi orang tua tok. Dah suka buat lawak. Sedih na sebab sik lamak gik mok abis semester. Sekda gik nya ngaja pastok. N aku terkenang masa Pak Salam, Pak Sholihuddin, Pak Taqiyuddin n Pak Fathan ajar. Tem dolok-dolok aku tertunggu-tunggu jak bila kelas sidak ajar. Mesti aku excited nak belajar tem ya kat kelas. Ya jak la tek. Bye.

Try to understand

As a youth, I found that, we always feel depressed about small things. We always do something wrong. And we always act foolishly.

I don't know where to start, but I have always wanted a normal life, A happy life. A life that I always do things in the right way.

But then, again. That is the hardest thing to do.

I thought for a while. Maybe, it is because we are still young and foolish. We don't know things as much as the elders. There is still many things we have to learn to make things right. We have to experience more things so that we can understand the world better.

I always can't mingle with my friends because I found they are loud and annoying to me. I hate people who speak loud as if they wanted the whole world to know what they are saying. And I hate the situation when there is too much foolish jokes around. But, it's just the way they are. Maybe it was because their family just talk like that. Maybe they are too stressed at the moment, and they are making funny jokes to forget their problems.

Oh, I have to learn more about people behaviour so that I can understand people better.

Can I????

People's Opinion

Young people nowdays just don't care about everybody else. All they care is about themselves. It isn't a surprise that no one care about us because we never care about others.

They always say things that hurt someone else, but they don't realise they did the same!

They just throw everything on facebook, twitter or wechat like they own this world, like they are the boss, like they have no parents to be shame of with their words. Well, I too have an opinion, but writing em' on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or whatever else is just too mainstream now. People just judge us by our social media account. And I'm afraid of that. So it is safer to throw everything here because my words here will be read by those who just want to read it.

Facebook or twitter just full of negative tweet bout life and I don't want to burden everyone else with my silly thought. LOL. Be matured lah people.

Finally- WIFI

Right now, I'm in my 7th semester in Islamic Law in Bussiness. It's kinda cool actually. So, it means that I'm in my fourth year here in Indonesia.

So, for this semester, I only got 3 classes a week. And, you know what? I feel miserable because of that. Because my life-routine circle is disturbed. Yeah. I'm feeling soooo unproductive. As I'm not always outdoors, I'm feeling a bit weak and not energetic as always. And, I'm feeling like a useless person because my life is wasted most on the Instagram and Facebook. LOL

Then, about two weeks ago, I just subscribed wifi for myself in our home. So whoever wants to use it must pay me RP 500 for 2 hours. How cheap is that? I've been waiting to subscribe to wifi since the first semester when I was living with the seniors. But I just don't know how to get it and don't know which mobile network is the best for the area. Thanks God I got it now, and I'm feeling aliveeeeee...

It's been long that I haven't wrote anything in English this long. And it feels awesome to be able to write again with the fast network. Yay!

Setahun Gik

Tadik mak embak shopping meli barang pake balit Surabaya. Macam biasa, favourite place dekat mall. Tapi kali tok tek macam sebak sikit. Sik macam dolok-dolok. Apa yang aku maok kebanyakannya mak aku dapat beli, tapi kinek mak suh beli yang penting ajak.

Sebak rasa sebab aku rasa susahkan mak ajak. Bila nya dah hadkan perbelanjaan, it means that she had not enough money to buy what I want like she always do. Sedangkan belanja untuk aku gik terhad, apa gik untuk ny sendiri. Mesti banyak barang nya sikpat beli untuk dirik nya sebab nak tanggung belanja aku. Sebak abis. 

Mak aku dah tua juak bah. Boleh jadi pangkat nenek dah. Sepatutnya umur 60 an dh sik perlu kerja gik, goyang kaki jak di rumah. Yalah molah aku rasa sik mok sambung belajar dolok pastok sebab rasa sik sampe hati nangga mak bapak bekerja semata-mata mok tanggung kuliah aku. Makin sebak rasa mok tinggalkan Bintulu.. 

Setahun gik. You are stronger than you are..

Test Coba

Assalamualaikum. Alhamdulillah dah tukar handphone baru, boleh lah tulis blog pake handphone jak, sik payah bukak laptop gik. Hehehehe. Imma happy girl :)

Bintulu or Mini Heaven

I'm on my holiday now. Praise to God. Me is so happy :)

My holiday is only for one month this semester. At first, I don't plan to come back to Malaysia for this holiday because the flight tickets are so expensive. But, there is a slave of Allah who is so 'pemurah' is willing to sponsor half of my tickets price. Alhamdulillah. So, here I am.

I'm the only Malaysian who has practical this year because of the different courses that I took with those of my bacth.

Yeah, I'm just afraid though. I'm afraid if I will be too sad going back to Surabaya alone and go to Jombang right after. (myenglishisgettingsucks!)

Oh yeah, as I touched down to Bintulu, the feeling is Subhanallah! Indescribable. I wonder if this Bintulu or mini heaven? The expression is too much huh?!

i have no idea left what to write. ok bye. bbelit tgn ku nak type bhsa inggeris tok eh

Urang 1#

Kamek orang ada diajar sorang Pak Dosen (lecturer) tok. Mudak lalu umonya. Dalam 27 tahun macam ya. Baruk jak nikah n dapat anak umur 3 bulan. Nya cuma datang mengajar di universitas kamek orang pada hari Rabu jak. Nya tinggal 3 jam di luar kota Surabaya. Umo jak mudak, tapi nya selalu berik kamek orang kata-kata hikmah. Rupa nya nang sederhana lalu. Tapi tinggi n muka kedak matluthfi.

Aku nang tertunggu-tunggu setiap kali ada kelasnya. Oh lupak nak madah. Nya ajar kamek orang Kajian Kitab Hukum Bisnis Islam. So, kamek orang terpaksa mengkaji dan menterjemahkan kitab Fiqh Sunnah dalam bahasa Arab ke bahasa Indo yang tulisannya arabnya sekda baris. Lekakya, homework kamek orang adalah disuruh engkah baris kat tulisan Arab ya tek. Ne endak nyaman asa palak. Aku dah 3 sem sik belajar bahasa Arab. Nang lupak suma dah apa yang aku belajar dolok. Nasib ada geng yang pande. Aku nang tiru sidak jak.

Marek bes da jak. Kelas mula jam 1pm. Abis 2.40pm. Nya lom datang gik. Duhal macet (jammed) sebab nya nait bas ke Surabaya dari rumahnya. 20 minit gik mok abis kelas bok nya sampe. Tedah jak rupanya berpeluh-peluh. Tapi tetap semangat jak mok ngajar kmk orang. Tengah-tengah ngajar ya, ada jak kata-kata hikmah keluar dari mulut nya. Mun sik pun nya molah lawak.

Tapi marek nang best la kata-katanya. Lebih kurang cemtok bunyi nya:

Ada mahasiswa saya yang kejebak ISIS, lalu saya tanya, ngapain kamu ikut ISIS? Jawabnya, saya mau mati di jalan Allah pak. Terus saya bilang, kamu jangan mati di jalan Allah, tapi kamu harus hidup di jalan Allah.

Ada juga yang bilang, saya mau berjihad di Palestina. Terus ada yang tanya, kamu pernah kena salju? Dia bilang tidak. Dibilang sama dia, lebih baik kamu jangan ke sana, pilek (selsema) aja kamu nanti.

I thought it was so funny and cool. Aku harap nya masih ajar aku sem depan.